In conversation with Lolita - My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell

Lolita by Nabokov is a book that everyone knows about. Everyone knows about Humbert Humbert and Lolita, but what about Dolores Haze? Dolores Haze is better known as Lolita, but that is what HH called her, but we just know what HH was narrating about. So, what about the story of Dolores? What about her narration? What about her experience? Well, the closer we can get to that is by reading My Dark Vanessa, the book written from the point of view of a Dolores Haze, the victim.

Vanessa is 15 when she enters a relationship with her English teacher, Shade, she thinks it’s love, that he treats her amazingly, cares for her, and loves her. Years later, another student from her school comes out with an accusation to the same English teacher. What does that mean? Is he an abuser? But that’s impossible, they had a perfect relationship, it was her first love, this girl must be lying. But, more and more accusations arise, and she still doesn’t understand how her first love could be accused of such horrible things.

My Dark Vanessa is placed in two-time frames, during her relationship with her teacher and years later, during the #metoo movement. As in Lolita by Nabokov, this is too an unreliable narration. Humbert Humbert told us about how much Lolita was for him, and Vanessa believes mostly the same things. Through the narrative, you understand that not everything is as Vanessa's things nor how Shade believes it happens.

Kate Elizabeth Russell writes incredible characters with layers and layers of pain and trauma. When you read Vanessa’s experience, you feel there is so much more to the story than she believes matters. Slowly, you start to understand her relationship with the fact that she had been abused by the person she had thought she had been loved by. And quickly enough, you start hating Shade.

Equally, Shade is a very well-written character. He also has layers to him, many of which we get to discover in the book and others that we assume are there. I hated him, he had me angry, sad and honestly terrified of how many might be out there.

Furthermore, the writing in this book infuriated me. Because it was so addictive, but equally disturbing. I wanted to keep on reading, and I couldn’t stop, but I was so angry at the story, of how it made me feel about what I had to experience.

Lolita, the book, is mentioned many times during the book, drawing a perfect parallel between that story and Vanessa’s as well as the experience of the abuser and the victim.

I am so thankful this book exists and I got to experience it after having had read Lolita. I am also this book exists for those who experience Lolita and believe that Dolores also deserves a book.